DUCKFIGHTER ILLUSTRATED: BOWL BLINTZ

Written by race on December 28th, 2011
Holt: Don’t expect me to stop Baylor!

Sark: Huh?
Ducks look to break Rose drought
Stanford looks to break Cowpokes
Alabama looks to win it all again
Remember the Alamo

No seriously, remember the Alamo. Everybody died. Expect more of the same as the Heisman winning RGIII blows through the Husky defense like a Santa Ana wind. General Nick Holt has already inspired the troops by pointing out that Texas and Oklahoma couldn’t stop Baylor and “they have good players unlike me”. Look for the fired up Huskies to try to hold the Bears under 65 points.
Steve Sarkisian’s mythical offense is once again being called upon to outscore a decent opponent. Too bad that has never happened in three years here. But we still talk about it every time. This is the emphasis on defense that Pool P Boy talked about when he hired an unproven 18 year old offensive coordinator to coach UW. Sark has diligently worked on upgrading the defense by focusing his recruiting efforts on quarterbacks and running backs and wide outs. That sounds familiar.
Let’s review
21-65 against Stanford
17-34 against Oregon
17-40 against USC
21-38 against Oregon State
38!!!11!!! – 51 against Nebraska
Well, the simple fact is that if you play shitty defense your mythical offense isn’t going to bail you out.We’re not lining up against Hawaii or EWU this week, fellas.
UW 23, Baylor 46 is what that averages out to. Consider it a victory if it is that close.
Sounds like I have an agenda. I do – I miss Washington Husky Football dammit!
Remember 1917

Thousands died in brutal tunnels filled with gas which is a good metaphor for Husky fans after the Ducks break their long Rose Bowl drought with an easy win over the lumbering Badgers of Wisconsin.
Hang on to the hope of 2013 Husky fans and feel good that Oregon had to cheat to win. Allegedly. Some day we’ll beat them again. Click your heels three times and repeat it over and over.
Oregon 45, Wisconsin 17

Remember earlier this year

Alabama outplayed LSU but lost thanks to the inexplicable lack of a good kicker by the Don James trained Nick Saban. This time the Tide will roll into the end zone and the whiners and complainers will be treated to a classic rematch for all the marbles.
Alabama 24, LSU 21

Elsewhere:
If Texas wants to be here in sunny So Cal the then the No Cal Bears are in serious trouble…the search for a QB for Tedford to guru continues into its 8th year…Stanford should put to rest any lingering doubt as to the unsuitability of Ok State to play in the really big game…no defense for the Pokes spells a Stanford win…none of the other games are worth a bucket of warm spit in keeping with the theme of this season…time now to sit back and stalk teen boys and tell each other that you can’t expect in state 5 star linemen to pick Washington…don’t blame Sark, he’s a great recruiter…everybody says so.

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RIP The Dream

Written by race on December 28th, 2011

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DUCKFIGHTER ILLUSTRATED: DUCK DECADE

Written by race on October 31st, 2011

Huskies say they won’t look ahead to USC
Arizona gets serious about losing at UW
Cougs scare Oregon
Utah gets first Pac 12 win over Beavers
USC jobbed against Stanford
UCLA beats Cal “lol”
Bama v. LSU: best game ever or best game ever?

Huskies survive the usual bizarre Arizona game

The Washington Huskies spotted the serious Arizona Orphans a 10 point lead and a gift pick 6 but still battled back behind Chris Polk to put the Wildcats away in the 4th quarter for a 42-31 win at Husky Stadium that moves the Washington season record to 6-2.

Chris Polk ran his way into the record book with 5 touchdowns and his 18th 100-yard game and ran his way into the hearts of Husky fans with his old school power running and exceptional leadership. Polk is widely considered the best back in the Pac 12, perhaps in history, if not longer. There really aren’t any other running backs in the league that can compare to the sensational Polk. I can’t think of one. Everybody says so.

The Huskies will have to avoid looking ahead to the big match up with USC at the Coliseum in two weeks and keep focused on the upcoming game against their long time patsy, the Oregon Ducks. Oregon has improved their program recently and hopes to give the Huskies a run in the last game ever at soon to be remodeled Husky Stadium.

The recently retired Don James will call the coin toss and the 1991 Huskies will roam the sidelines and be honored for being the 1991 Huskies. The classy Nebraska fans will show up to give them a standing ovation as they leave the field.

Oregon will not be allowed to bring the 1994 Oregon Ducks to celebrate their Rose Bowl loss because that would be silly, don’t you think? UW officials may allow a brief round of applause for the 12-0 (1) runner-ups in the BCS, 2010 Oregon Ducks.

The Washington defense got turnovers, three and outs, and held UA to 3 field goals on scoring drives. They will need all that and more to beat the fast improving USC Trojans. But first –

UW 58, Oregon 40

Great moral victory as always

The WSU Cougars stayed close and moved the ball up and down the field before throwing interceptions and succumbing to the blitzkrieg offense of the fast improving Oregon Ducks. WSU was a quarterback away from pulling the big upset, but this scribe is convinced that the Coug players are voting YES on keeping “The Embattled” Paul Wullf around. Next up for the Cougs is a battle with the SF Bears at Candlestick Park. Cal coach Barry Bonds commented “Fuck off and get out of my face with that shit”. We’re not sure why. The Cougs have been close and they need this one for bowl eligibility.

WSU 25, Cal 23

The Rest of the Pac

Somebody had to be the first to lose to Utah and its no surprise that it was Oregon State…next for the Beavers is a little match up with Stanford…Stanford is fresh off a triple overtime classic with Lil Lane and the Trojans…Lane is still talking shit about the officials but the fact is, USC has plenty of chances to win that went up in smoke…USC gets to scrimmage against Colorado this week…The UCLA Bruins made Rick Neuheisel’s last game against Cal a memorable one as they sent him off with a big win…Cal remains an enigma wrapped inside a riddle contained in a remarkably bad football team…

SEC SEC SEC SEC SEC SEC SEC SEC SEC SEC SEC SEC SEC

Alabama hosts LSU in the game of the century matching Nick Saban’s new team against his old team. This is a SEC West battle meaning the loser won’t even get to the conference championship. Rumors coming out of Tuscaloosa say that defense may be played in this game. Big fast defenders will be defending. You won’t want to miss this one but f you do you can always catch the rematch in the BCS Championship.

Well November is here and we may finally get some damn football games instead of blowouts and snooze fests. Enjoy.

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DUCKFIGHTER ILLUSTRATED: NINE

Written by race on October 24th, 2011

Uh, well, not what we had in mind, you know
If it’s the head coach’s third year it must be time to fire the defensive coordinator
WSU drops a heartbreaker to OSU at PhoneCompanyField
Oregon gets by Colorado
Miracle at Michigan State

It was only 65-21. It could have been worse

When Scott Woodward was baffling the faithful with bullshit before his hiring of young Steve Sarkisian as head coach of the Washington Huskies, he waxed eloquently, a nice bikini wax as a matter of fact. He also said that he understood that Washington fans love defense and get as excited over a third down stop as they do for a first down.

Naturally we have a coach that gets plenty of first downs and gets third down stops about as often as Haley’s Comet drops by our neck of the solar system. It yet another thrilling installment of “How Fucking Bad Can a Defense be?” we found out that there is always room to get worse.

Husky fans are now reminiscing fondly about the stout Kent Baer defenses that never allowed an opponent to go over 56 points. The current D is drawing comparisons to the legendary 2001 defense that gave up 65 to the Vaunted Canes when they were the Vaunted Canes. That defense bounced back the next week to give up the game winning drive to Texas in the Holiday Bowl, but did hold them under 40. Barely.

In an odd sort of Déjà Vu, here come the Arizona Orphans to Husky Stadium with a high flying passing attack and a team that hung 44 on our beloved Dawgs just last year. In a slap at the face of the Woodward Doctrine that holds that you must hang on to a fired coach in order to go 0-12, the Arizona Orphans showed Wrong Stoops the door and responded with a rousing beat down of the UCLA Bruins and Rick Neuheisel, whose team clearly quit on him by allowing 48 points. *cough*

I don’t like the looks of this match up. Only the cold and rain of a late Saturday night game gives the Huskies any hope at all. Will Sark continue to run roughshod over the losers of the world on his way to 8-4 glory or will there be a hangover from the Plunger Rape of Palo Alto?

UW 56, UA 60

Beat Oregon, nothing else matters

WSU head coach “The Embattled” Paul Wullf faces the biggest test of his career in a match up against Mighty Oregon coming off of a blow out loss to Not Mighty Oregon State. The Embattled One is fighting for his job now as fed up Cougar fans finally noticed that WSU hasn’t won very many games during his tenure. Hardly any at all if you must know.

Oregon – bored, disinterested and 7-1, WSU – not enough points

The week that wasn’t

It was a horrible week of college football save for a last second hail mary by Michigan State that beat Wisconsin and a monumental upset by a huge underdog that was not our Huskies, unfortunately…Big Game Bob Stoops lost to Texas Tech in a small game…Stanford visits USC this week and we like the revitalized Trojans, fresh off a curb stomping of Notre Dame, to end the streak for Stanford…LSU and Bama take the week off to prepare for each other…CBS is televising the practices this Saturday…Georgia and Florida meet in the world’s largest outdoor meth market…No one really cares about the Big 10 anymore and the Pac 12 is the sorriest collection of losers you’ll find west of the Big East which just lost another member as I write…Hurry November and the big game match ups.

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DUCKFIGHTER ILLUSTRATED:OCHO

Written by race on October 18th, 2011

This Week’s Issue Sponsored by Vicodin
First Place Huskies Bash the Buffs
Top Twenty Five Huskies Prepare for Stanford
Stanford Makes Short Work of Tuel and the Cougs
Dennis Dixon Hurt as Ducks’ Championship Hopes Fade
Remember When USC v Notre Dame Meant Something?

Huskies Roll Colorado on Way to Showdown in East Palo Alto

The crisp Washington attack cleaned up on the woeful Buffs of Colorado in an easy 52-24 blowout at Husky Stadium along the shores of the Montlake River in East Queen Anne by the University District 7-11 on Aurora Avenue.

Keith Price continued to show the world why he is now the top Heisman candidate that no one is talking about because he actually isn’t a candidate. Yet. The smooth Price threw for 5 more touchdowns to pass Jack Lockner on the Husky career TD list in only his 6th start. Chris Polk continued his assault on Cory Dillon’s single season rushing record and Nip Kauffman’s career mark in only his third season. Steve Sarkisian continues his assault on the doubters and skeptics with his crisp play calling and 9th win in 10 games in only his third season as head coach.

Sark is on track to continue the magical third season non jinx for great Husky coaches that goes back to Enoch “Nucky” Bagshaw in the 1920′s. The 5-1 Huskies have yet to beat a team with a winning record but all that changes this week as the Dawgs travel to Palo Alto to play Stanford, which according to our sources, is not in Palo Alto at all.

This is a blood feud match up between bitter North Division rivals for First Place and the right to play Oregon for all the marbles. Stanford has kicked sand in the Huskies’ faces for three years now thanks to Jim Harbaugh’s maniacal intensity which transformed Stanford from cream puff to Pat Hill tuff. Harbaugh is now fighting in the NFL Octagon and the residue is slowly seeping away. Andrew Luck remains and the Cards have yet to be tested this year after a routine beat down of WSU at Pullman. The Cougs were nice enough to eliminate Stanford’s one fast guy on a bruising hit by safety Casey Locker. Imagine that, a Locker playing his natural position.

Stanford has three top tight ends but UW has the best one on the field in the marvelous Rastafarian Jenkins, a true superstar in the making and a REAL top draft choice for the NFL in two years.

The Huskies are big underdogs but we’re flat out tired of losing and being curb stomped and all that shit so by golly we are calling the upset and demanding a Husky win. It’s time. It’s go time. It’s now time. Find a way.

Keith Price 48, Andy Luck 45

Dennis Dixon hurt as Ducks embarrass Devils

ASU had the lead and the ball and Oregon was reeling under the weight of injuries to their entire starting unit and yet at the end of the night, the Ducks had another 3 TD win over a Slack 12, opponent staying on track for their visit to soon to be demolished Husky Stadium on November 5th. Crack researchers have now updated the Mayan Calender to show the end of Oregon’s world on 11-5-11.

It doesn’t seem to matter who runs the ball for the Ducks as they just run over anyone in the second half. Shut the hell up, I’m writing an article here.

Next up is Colorado. Oklahoma once scored 84 points on CU. That record is in jeopardy.

UO 85, CU Awfully Young

WSU v OSU Battle in Seattle (for last place)

*YAWN*

Elsewhere

USC travels to South Bend for Lane Kiffin’s last game against Notre Dame…Brian Kelly should win this one…or Brian Kelly…Auburn travels to top ranked LSU…Wisconsin travels to Michigan State who changed their school colors…Climpson stormed back to out score Maryland in the game of last weak…Bama hosts Tennessee in another game that used to mean something…Almost no upsets so far this year and not a lot of excitement in a back loaded season that promises a November to remember…that begins to change with a 20 point underdog winning in East Palo Alto…5-1 and having fun…How long?

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DUCKFIGHTER ILLUSTRATED: LUCKY SEVEN

Written by race on October 12th, 2011

Huskies Ready for Big Second Half of Season
Ducks host Devils in Pac 12 Title Preview?
Cal v. USC in a Game that NOGAFA
WSU Prepares to Shock Stanford
Oregon State Wins!!!
In Related News – Wrong Stoops Fired!!!

Huskies Vow – No Letdown

The unranked and 4-1 Washington Huskies prepare to host the woeful Colorado Buffaloes before another unpacked Husky Stadium crowd this Saturday, looking to move to 5-1 for the first time since 2001.

Unlike recent meetings, Rick Neuheisel will not be coaching either team this time, nor will General Barney Barnett or the late Paul McCartney and his daughter. Frankly, we don’t know who the Colorado coach is, we just know his team sucks and Washington better not lose this game if Sark wants to be on the sideline for the next match up.

Will success spoil Washington and will they need to suffer the pain and humiliation that so many awfully young teams suffer as they try to grow from losers to winners? Will the altitude at Boulder Field affect the Huskies even though the game is in Denver? And what about the elevation?

We believe in Keith Price, Chris Polk and Nick Holt’s blueprint. For fucks sake, the Cougs beat these clowns.

UW 56, CU 17

Ducks Devils in Championship Preview

Historic, fully remodeled awhile ago, and still kind of small Autzen Arena goes through a dry run for the looming inaugural Pac 12 Championship Game sponsored by Adidas. Phil Knight is not amused at the thought of Adidas signage all over HIS stadium and rumor has it that the Ducks will throw this game in order to win the Pac 12 at Sun Devil Stadium this December.

Nobody out west has challenged the Ducks yet, but there is a growing feeling that November 5th is the date of the demise of the Eugene Empire. In the meantime, ASU will wilt under the bright lights and throw this one away early and often and DeAnthony Thomas continues to be thankful that he doesn’t have to play LSU again.

UO 48, ASU 19

Gameday Just Misses WSU Stanford Game

That bastard Rick Neuheisel beat the Cougars twice last weekend. Once during the game where the Bruins used a late drive to overcome 12 field goals by the Cougs and again this week when ESPN announced that the loss had cost WSU a visit from the Gameday set.

Amateur video enthusiasts have been busy removing hidden cameras from the local Motel 6 since Erin Andrews won’t be coming there.

Head coach Paul Wullf shook off the firing of the Wrong Stoops and promised to “give it a heck of a try” to beat Stanford but you really can’t expect him to do so in only his 4th year as head coach. AD Bill Moos was unavailable for comment as he continues his search for a new head coach.

Stanford 55, WSU 15

The Rest

Oregon State shocked the world by winning a game and helping UW to keep the special 2008 season all to themselves…Arizona was so shocked that they finally fired the Wrong Stoops after only 7 and a half years when everyone knows you need at least 12 to fully evaluate a head coach…Stoops had a losing record and 10 losses in a row to D1 schools and NOBODY at Dawgman every used him as an example of giving a coach time to build a serious fucking mediocre program…there really is a plate full of shit sandwiches when it comes to games this week but as long as the booze is cold or warm and the bud is fresh who really cares? I’l be watching.

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duckfighter illustrated

Written by race on October 5th, 2011

duckfighter illustrated: route sixty six

check out our new look
i know, it really sucks
but we wanted to be different
bye week for the first place huskies
oregon v cal
other shit

Cal invades Autzen Arena for Titanic North Division Clash

The Cal Bears used the extra time between games to work on their acting skills so they can fake their injuries better than last year when they were mocked for the amateur level of acting used.

Sy Shivelstein came up from LA to work with the budding thespians on their method acting and head coach Jeff Tedford came away impressed.

“Hopefully they won’t be laughing at us on Sportscenter this year,” the embattled has been opined as he scanned Craig’s List for openings for head coaches whose time has passed.

“Those stupid motherfuckers tried that shit last year and still lost” noted Chip Lyles as he sped down I-5 at 118 miles per hour while snorting coke off a hooker’s ass. “Sheee-yat, we gonna smoke those fools cause we done smoked all the other shit anyway.”

Some experts think that Nick Holt’s blueprint has allowed other teams to catch up to the rinky-dink Duck attack, but until someone in the Slack 12 holds them under fitty, we disagree.

Rose Bowl Run Continues for Cougars

The WSU Cougars invade Pasadena to play in the Rose Bowl.

Against UCLA and the soon to be fired Rick Neuheisel. The Cougs are cocky and ready to go behind All American back up Mick Lobenstein. Last week the Cougs knocked off top ranked Colorado. This week, they take down Roy Aikman and the Bruins on their way to the Apple Cup for the ages at Phone Company Field.

What else?

Washington and USC have the week off so it’s a pretty boring week elsewhere in the Pac 12. Lane Kiffin hopes to use the time to smoke some weed and talk a little shit. Sark will be recruiting and house hunting for the parents of players. Allegedly.

On the national scene it’s a quiet week as the Red River War between Texas and Mexico and the Florida and LSU game are about the only games worth mentioning…last week Nebraska was exposed as a shitty team…Bama was exposed as a great team…Texas A&M was exposed as a SEC bottom feeder…Ohio State was exposed as a team without Jim Tressel as coach…Mike Reilly was exposed as a bad coach…lots of exposure, not a lot of excitement. See you next week.

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DUCKFIGHTER ILLUSTRATED: CINCO

Written by race on September 25th, 2011

DUCKFIGHTER ILLUSTRATED: CINCO

LEADING THE GREAT WHITE NORTH

First Place Huskies Roll Cal

Ducks Seriously Kill Arizona

Beavers Go Back To The 80’s

WSU Survives Bye Week with Minor Injuries

All Airport Team Falls Short Again

The California Golden Bears have been the DFI All Airport team for several years now. They are a very impressive looking team with the kind of defensive players that Husky fans would give their left nut for. Two wide outs who will be first round draft choices. They have a big, mobile offensive line. And they now have a three game losing streak to Washington and have dropped four of the last five as the series returns to normal for the Huskies.

This was a hard hitting, hard fought game as one would expect from bitter North Division rivals. Head Coach Steve Sarkisian gave a low tweak to your humble correspondent for our long love affair with Jeff Tedford, the disgraced coach of Cal, whose luster has diminished faster than Nick Holt’s defense gave up that 90 yard touchdown pass on Saturday.

“Certain folks questioned my hiring but that’s what happens when you aren’t doing your job from the comfort of your mom’s basement with a boner in your sweatpants,” noted Sark in his postgame presser, which was kick ass as always.

Nick Holt’s defense strategically allowed Cal to run out the clock on an 80 yard drive that came up two yards short as they ran out of downs and stupid play calls at the Husky goal line. Holt was last seen drinking Cristal and snorting blow off of three hookers as he celebrated at Doormats, a favorite club for the Husky defenders.

The revelation that is Nick Keith Price continued as the slinger slung 3 more touchdown passes including a game breaking 70 yarder to Chris Polk. Accurate passing is a wonder to behold. We haven’t seen that around these parts in years. Cal “stopped” Polk, yet Chris managed to make the plays when needed that winners make.

No time to rest as a trip to Nepal looms to face the Utah Redmen in Dali Lama Stadium at 17,000 feet. Look for more big hitting at the Lama. The Huskies have never won a game at altitude and are still too young to expect them to beat the hated South Division rival from Provo.

First Place UW 35, Utah 38

Ducks Find Slack 12 Play to their Liking as Always

Head coach Chip Lyles had his Oregon Ducks ready to play Saturday night as they curb stomped the Serious Arizona Wildcats and the Wrong Stoops in a game that saw Arizona Stadium emptying out at halftime. UA has now lost 8 straight games to D1 opponents, justifying the decision to keep Wrong Stoops around all these years because the year after next he might be good or something. You have no idea of the damage that John Macovic did there.

LaMickey Mantle James ran for 456 yards in the first quarter. The Oregon defense held Arizona under 40 points as the Ducks kept pace with first place Washington in the bitterly contested North Division.

“We’re not worried about keeping pace with Washington,” scoffed an irritated Chip Lyles, “we’re worried about the fucking NCAA rooting around Eugene.”

Good point. Oregon has the week off to hide evidence and shred documents.

Elsewhere

WSU returns to action at Colorado, who lost to Ohio State at the Shoe…look for the Buffs to get that first win of the season…It’s Division One football, brother….UCLA made Rick Neuheisel’s last season a memorable one with a win over the winless Beavers of Oregon State…Mike Reilly is now doing less with less…ASU beat USC for the first time in 11 tries to gain the upper hand in the bitterly contested South Division…look for the Trojans to go into mail it in mode as they send Lane Kiffin packing with some weed and talking shit…Next for the Sun Devils is a bye against Oregon State…Cal and Oregon play on the following Thursday…Cal is already cramping up.

The Nation

Alabama tuned up for their visit to the Swamp against Florida with a routine blow out over Arkansas…the wild and crazy Nick Saban started things off with a wacky fake punt…that guy is a laugh a minute…Oklahoma smacked Missouri assuring Gary Pinkel of another non BCS bowl…Climpson came back to beat Florida State who is still not back…Steve Superior’s Cock beat Todd Turner’s Vandy squad…LSU is the best team in America right now…October is here and the action will heat up as bitter conference rivals play bitterly contested games…but we’re not bitter, we’re in First Place!

See you in Nepal!

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DUCKFIGHTER ILLUSTRATED: FORE!

Written by race on September 18th, 2011

Let Down in Lincoln

The classy Nebraska fans rose as one to give the 1991 Huskies a standing ovation as the 2011 Huskies left the field after laying down and dying against the Corn Husker rushing onslaught, 51-38. Special teams and rush defense once again doomed the Huskies to defeat. And the pass defense sucked as well.

It was a very disappointing referendum on the state of the Huskies in year three of the Steve Sarkisian era. It was the same old collapse and humiliation on a national stage in a big time road game. Nick Holt’s Blueprint needs to be sent to the recycle bin as the loudmouth loser continues to present defenses that are every bit as horrible as anything the late, unlamented Ty Willingham – Kent Baer duo put out.

The lone bright spot was the play of the wounded yet game Nick Price who shook off the sight of Joe Montana Jr. warming up in the bullpen to lead the Huskies to a garbage time win to beat the spread. Price is out of knees and needs to stay healthy or young Montana will get his first chance against his Dad’s old team, the San Francisco Bears, at Kezar Stadium this week.

The 2-1 Huskies enter league play with Sark on the hot seat and moving into his office to work 24 hours a day on winning the Rose Bowl just like the recently retired Don James. The entire season hinges on the Cal game. Win and move on or lose and the season is over.

And Jim Mora is also warming up in the bullpen. Hey, we need a new defensive coordinator at the least. It
remains to be seen if further changes are required.

Cal coach Jeff Tedford is coming off of a big win over Episcopalian University and is licking his chops for a shot at Nick Holt’s Blueprint. “That defense is so bad that even one of my quarterbacks should be able to beat it”

UW 23, Cal 24

NCAA Troops Invade Eugene

The soviet of Eugene is under attack and taking heavy fire from the storm troopers of Mark Emmert. The 2 Inch Thunder Brigade has set up shop and is preparing for a long look at the suspect practices of the Oregon Football Program.

Meanwhile on the field the Ducks took care of Missouri State and head coach Chip Lyles is feeling better about the acquisition of the highly paid DeLaAnthony LaThomas. LaMikey LaDeJames found his Heisman candidate form as well as the Ducks now look forward to conference play and another easy run through the Slack 12 menu of lightweights and losers.

Next up are the Serious Wildcats of Arizona, fresh off a face plant against Stanford at home. This is another home game for the Wrong Stoops and he needs to win this one in the worst way. Stoops is in his 8th year of needing more time and 2013 is looking good. This is why you don’t keep mediocre coaches around – they are mediocre. Winners win, as we like to say and Chip Lyles is a winner.

Oregon 49, UA 14

Cougars Almost Win!!!

It took the better part of three quarters of football for the SDSU Aztecs to prove conclusively that they were the best team on the field at Jack Murphy Stadium on Saturday afternoon. The plucky Cougs actually held the lead before they got run over by DFI National Player of the Week, Ronnie Hillman.

The Aztecs scored the last 28 points of the game as the Cougs, well, Couged it. Penalties and turnovers doomed the plucky Coach Paul Wullf and his talented team.

The Cougars have the week off so that Bill Moos can get a jump on the coaching search. Cougfan.com might want to hold off on any further “I told you so” articles.

Elsewhere
Utah absolutely killed BYU 54-10…Jake Heaps wishes he went to WSU…Colorado got in the win column with an win over Colorado State..The Sooners lowered the Boomer on Free Shoes University to strengthen their hold on #1…Florida whipped Tennessee yet again…Auburn’s winning streak died in Death Valley as the inspired Climpson Tigers took them to the woodshed…LSU is still unbeaten…UCLA and Oregon State meet this week to decide who gets last place in the Pac16…Notre Dame woke up the echoes with a win over Michigan State taking Brian Kelly off the hot seat…Brian Kelly remains on the hot seat…Texas killed UCLA at their home away from home in the Rose Bowl…Welcome to the Pac 16, Mac…We’re disappointed and dejected at DFI but holding out hope for a great 2013 season…See you then.

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DUCKFIGHTER ILLUSTRATED – TOO

Written by race on September 5th, 2011

WHEN CUPCAKES ATTACK!

End of an Era in Eugene
Duck Dynasty is Over
Stop Living in the Past
Huskies Survive Tuff Schedule with Young Team
Beavers Pounded by Small School

Ducks look to start over after crushing defeat

“Can I find anyone in this whole fucking operation that can do something right for once in their entire fucking miserable and pathetic lives?!” screamed Phil Knight as he trashed the luxury suite at Jerry Jones Stadium after his beloved Ducks got curb stomped by SEC power, LSU.

“I was told that if I got rid of the bumbling cheaters Bellotti and Moos I’d get some real cheaters in here who could buy me a title. Instead I pay top dollar for some skinny runt who fumbled the game away like he bet on LSU. Cancel that fucking Black Mamba shoe and send his ass to Baylor with the overpriced snitch we bought. FUCK – you people better get it right or you’ll be sewing shoe laces in Indonesia.”

Nick Holt’s blueprint was used to perfection by Les Miles as his Bayou Bengals stuffed the run and forced LaDarron Thomas to try to beat them through the air and he kept throwing the ball into the ground.

Next up for the Ducks is the home opener against Nevada. Gameday may be in town for this one.

Oregon 67, Nevada 12

Look, it was the National Champs, OK?

The Washington Huskies opened the 2011 campaign with a thud as they hung on to beat Eastern Washington in a game much closer than the final score would indicate. Once again Skip Sarkisian followed up a summer camp of big talk with an opening performance that looked like a flop.

Sark may want to consider recruiting some actual football players so fans can tell which team is the small school and which team plays with the big boys. Eastern moved up and down the field at will against Nick Holt’s Blueprint.

Nick Price was a bright spot, but not much else was. Half Brain stock gained 10 points in early trading as the futures market bet on a humiliating home loss to Hawaii.

UW 24, Hawaii 38

Cougars win the battle and lose the war

A good craftsman takes care of his Tuel, a lesson that Paul Wulff seems to have forgotten as he lost Tim Tuel to a broken clavicle in a heart stopping last second win over Idaho State. Angry boosters have had enough and are calling for Wulff to be fired. Bill Moos issued a statement defending DeathWatch 2011, saying that Wulff deserves to finish out the season, then get fired.

WSU 77, UNLV 20

Cal survived a tuff game with a tuff Fresno team lead by tuff coach Pat Tuff Hill…next for the revitalized Bears is a non league game against league foe Colorado, who really sucks….bad…Stanford upset San Jose and now plays Duke to decide which university is more pretentious and annoying and insufferable…USC barely beat Minnesota and now welcomes Utah to Pac 12 play…Utah should win…Rick Neuheisel’s seat just got hotter with a loss to the Houston Oilers…Arizona travels to T Boone Pickens Stadium to play Oklahoma State in the game of the week…Oklahoma State is coached by a man, who is 40, so go after him!

Around the Sport

The Pac 16 remains a very real possibility as the Big Bebee Conference crumbles around the feet of the Walla Walla legend…A&M is going to the SEC to be a bottom feeder reviving the possibility of Texas and Oklahoma heading west…The Longhorn Network was a smashing success in the three cities in which it was available…Auburn survived Utah State…Georgia lost to the cute little Broncs…BYU beat Ole Miss…Action picks up this week and we’ll be there to cover it all for you.

Thanks for reading!

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